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As societies evolve, collective relationships that work are retained and those that don't are discarded. Often, a community or a tribe or even a kingdom will disappear because it made the wrong collective choices in organizing its internal relationships including provisions for collective safety (group defense).
Internal relationships are part of the group's paradigms-the subconscious lenses through which the collective group sees the world. Paradigms provide predictability but also filter and distort reality. Paradigms underlie collective society so deeply that the group does not think about them, discuss them or even identify them. Ultimately, every paradigm distorts reality so severely that parts of the collective society come to be dysfunctional.
The Chinese have the so many proverbs because they have been at the enterprise of civilization so long and have suffered so much from the failures of their paradigms--violations of the wisdom of the ages. Confucius, Lao-Tzu and other Chinese philosophers didn't organize wisdom. They distilled it from Chinese palpate over 7,000 years.
Western philosophers have had fewer millenniums from which to distill wisdom, but they have more diverse sources: from intellectual elites in a fractured Old World Europe, from tribal shamans of Native Peoples and from attention-deficient sages in the New World.
Mid-Eastern "wisdom of the ages" filled the Holy Books: the Torah, the Bible and the Koran. The three monotheistic reliance traditions--Judaism, Christianity and Islam--spread in every direction. They trace their roots to Abraham and share the common premise that all people are ''brothers and sisters-children of one God." Ironically, they have spent their whole histories trimming the buds of brotherhood with fratricide--within and between.
Whatever the origins, the "wisdom of the ages" differs small from time to time or place to place. The differential is in its stage and status. Is it being revered? Or is it being ignored. Or consciously discarded. Or rediscovered.
Consider, for example, the adage: "It takes a village to raise a child." Surely, that statement is part of the "wisdom of the ages." Perhaps, the core curriculum of all the sages. Sages in different ages and different places have terminated that children need the love and mentoring of two parents, other relatives, and a broader community to grow up into effective members of the society.
Over the ages there have been discrete violations of that wisdom. In some societies boys were raised surface the community in deliberate attempts to forestall them from developing emotions and thus make them better warriors-immune to pain and killing. Either the forces objective was achieved or not, the community had to deal with the consequences-first the anguish of parents losing their young sons, and later, when the surviving warriors came home from battle, their difficulties in functioning as husbands, fathers, employees and citizens.
European immigrants to both rural and urban America formed tight ethnic communities and often retained their native language for generation. My father, a fourth generation American, attended a collective school taught in German. Church services at Trinity Lutheran-Rantoul (south of Green Bay, Wisconsin) were offered in German until almost 1970. I was raised in that ethnic community in which the whole village molded my values and behavior in ways that neither they nor I recognized. I was in the socialization clutches of hundreds of people who knew each other and whose ancestors had known each other for generations.
With prototype German values I operated a small livestock enterprise that required daily attentiveness from age 14 to age 18 when I graduated as an over-achieving high school valedictorian. They sent me off to college with their fingers crossed. More accurately, with their hands folded; they prayed a lot--especially my mother. I was the first someone in my extended family to go to college-a common situation for Baby Boomers. I went over 100 miles away to the big city of Madison-a city now known for big temptations.
Other students went added away from home for college or work. A national job shop for college graduates meant that increasing numbers took jobs far from home. Even if they were able to get a job near the village, many had to eventually choose in the middle of a occupation promotion to a distant location or staying in a supportive and comfortable home town. The selection was doubly hard after they became parents. The kids had friends. The American norm was to put occupation (economics) first. Besides, there would be a new community to help raise the kids. But the substitute, the new community, was rarely equivalent to a generations-old village.
As parents, the Baby Boomers not only left their home community, they moved periodically or even regularly. Some fellowships purposefully moved their employees to keep them more loyal to the enterprise than to their community. Government agencies, like the U.S. Forest Service, used the same tactic for the same purpose.
Promotions were often contingent on appealing to a new office in a distant city. For the breadwinner father to get his next promotion, the family had to move again in a few years. Those parents got virtually no help in raising their children. They raised their children as a nuclear family of two parents and the kids.
After Wwii the media gave America an idealized Tv First Family: Ozzie and Harriet Nelson and their sons Ricky and David. The Tv First Family's life style broke the long-standing wisdom of the ages: "It takes a village to raise a child." Though the Nelsons, the media popularized a new collective norm by portraying model American parents living in a serene suburb close to the big city where father earned a good salary. To give their children a better opportunity in life, these parents had the courage to move their children away from grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins in a quaint village where one set of grandparents probably still lived on a farm. According to the Nelson family model, father should be vocationally aggressive. Families should be on the move to take benefit of his promotions.
At first, the moves were regularly for the father's career, while the mom assumed most of the parenting roles-a bigger burden in the suburbs than back in the village where a lot of people helped. Only a generation after they dismissed the "wisdom of the ages" with regard to the significant role of the village in raising children, Hollywood began dismantling the model nuclear-family parenting roles they had created. Father continued to be the chief breadwinner but the contemporary mom did some part-time work surface the home when the kids were young, then worked full-time after the kids left home. A combine decades later, mom was a full-time expert gallantly juggling the demands of the office and the home with only short breaks for maternity leave. Countless movies and Tv programs played on the themes. The media had a vested interest in promoting new collective arrangements-by show casing collective conflicts in a new context, they created interest, attracted viewers and expensed more for advertising. And they clearly relished being avant-garde. Hollywood's subculture evolved around challenging, often shocking, the dominant culture--shaking up the moral order--for good or for bad.
The preliminary working mothers came from poor and working-class families where the husband couldn't keep the family by himself. My mom had to resign from her expert job when she got married; keeping her job would be an embarrassment to my father. It would have indicated that he couldn't keep the family himself. Eventually, middle-class women entered the work force in large numbers because they wanted the personal fulfillment of a occupation or because the consumption patterns of the family required two incomes or both.
By the turn of the century, some high-status careers, like law and medicine, were attracting more women than men. Proud, expert women began earning nearly as much or even more than their husbands. At the same time, feminists used the media to ridicule stay-at-home moms as sad souls, too weak to unshackle themselves from the dominance of their husbands. House wives were told they needed to get a life--as liberated women.
First, children were deprived of the village. Then when mothers and fathers both went to work surface the home, children were deprived of their parents for major parts of a typical day. Daycare centers provided socialization with peers and an schoraly start but less emotional safety than equivalent time with parents and small "little person" training for eventual adult roles. Total hours of parenting dramatically decreased.
Biological parents, supported by the village, have had the original responsibility for raising the young for all of recorder history. A religious leader or order might give a special boy full-time training to be a shaman or monk. Occasionally, tyrants removed youngsters (usually boys) from their families to train them for service to the ruler. Communist leaders tried to sever the inter-generational bond by inserting Party activities and Party loyalty at a young age. The family structure in the Soviet Union and, to an even greater degree, in China withstood the assault. Rearing of children differed from culture to culture; however, most cultures have consistently taken benefit of the biological instincts of biological parents to sustain their offspring.
From Biblical times forward, provisions were made for those unfortunate children without both parents. Widows provided the most certain case. The village provided extra help and remarriage was encouraged. In polygamous societies, a brother was often expected, or even required, to marry his dead brother's widow. Getting pregnant without being married carried a great deal of stigma. Unwed mothers were encouraged to give up the illegitimate baby for adoption.
Sometime in the 1970s or 1980s, the term "illegitimate child" became taboo-first as a politically incorrect label for a child born of out of wedlock through no fault of its own. Then it became politically incorrect to ostracize or criticize a combine who had children before they were married. They were just exercising their personel leisure to procreate on their terms.
Similarly, the term "broken family" became a politically incorrect way to present the parents and children who had experienced a divorce. Thus, both the failure to originate a formal legal family unit and the willingness to legally end a formal marriage lost their long-held stigmas-stigmas that had provided the community with more or less uniform family units as collective construction blocks. The behavioral norms--the mortar keeping those construction blocks together as a collective structure--began dissolving. On the certain side, changing attitudes toward women working surface the home, toward parenting without marriage and toward divorce, meant that the individuals engaged in these activities suffered small discrimination or even collective discomfort. In the context of a general conflict in the middle of community and individualism, leisure for the personel won again, as it invariably did in the United States in the 20th century.
If contemporary parenting roles no longer required two parents, breaking up a marriage was easy. It is hard to know which was cause and which was effect. More single mothers meant less stigma for disunion and more disunion meant more single mothers. In 2008 the U.S. disunion rate was about 40% and about 50 of marriages were remarriage for one or both spouses.
Initially, single mothers were mostly adolescent women who had babies out of wedlock. In the second wave, single mothers were almost exclusively poor women abandoned by boyfriends or husbands. Minorities, especially Blacks, were heavily over-represented. Remarriage rates among middle-class, white women were higher and thus the numbers of single white mothers remained relatively low-for a while.
As the Women's possession Movement matured, larger numbers of white, expert women began to rethink their need for marriage. Some decided to delay marriage and children until after they had launched their careers. Their occupation gave them money for a nice car and a nice apartment and expert fulfillment and independence. Many tried live-in boyfriends, but did not find a Mr. Exquisite who could slip into their lifestyle without messing it up. They were in their 30s and the child-bearing clock was ticking. Increasingly, they decided to forgo marriage entirely. They were certain that they could find sexual fulfillment without marriage as they had been doing courtesy of the birth operate pill. Why keep finding for Mr. Exquisite and wait for marriage or remarriage. Why not just be a solo parent by choice? How cool would that be?
If men had the same reproductive capacity as women, they would probably be just as arrogant about raising a child by themselves. Really fullness of men are willing to be co-conspirators in conception without any future responsibility. Of the two alternative ways of donating sperm, being an unnamed live actor is Really more fun than selling genes to a sperm bank-but probably less lucrative. Either way, the child will never know its father; much less palpate a home with a male role model.
While the structure of raising children was changing, those changes were not the focus of collective policy. Instead, Pro-Lifers and Pro-Choicers screamed and shouted at each other about abortion policy. Abortion course was a matter of life and death for the fetuses, for the doctors performing them, and for politicians advocating them.
The Pros fought bitterly over the Right to choose (mother's right) an abortion versus the Right to Life (unborn baby's right to be born). In the process, long-term societal care for babies already born languished.
A few collective service agencies worried about adolescent pregnancies but the focus was on rescue the mom from a lifetime of poverty while still supporting her desire/freedom/right to keep the baby. School boards fretted about allowing a teen mom to bring a baby to school where other adolescent girls could see how cool it was to be loved and needed by a baby. In the end the personel leisure of the mom was carefully paramount. Legislatures and the courts declared that it was the interest of the young mom to continue her study as a "child" with the right to a K-12 study and also have "adult" maternal possession to keep and raise the newborn child.
Had community focused as much on the baby as it did about the mother's rights, young, unwed mothers would have been encouraged to, possibly required to give the baby up for adoption to a family who could provide food and study as well as love to the baby-the love of both a mom and a father. Then the young mom could have returned to her permissible role as student-perhaps with a bit of well-earned shame rather than as a model of early womanhood. Instead, child psychologists obsessed about protecting the self-esteem of children from the devastating effects of shame. Ever since humans lived in a cave, shame has been an leading organize in helping people co-exist. The use of shame and collective ostracism to teach conformity to group norms was part of the "wisdom of the ages." Western civilization, especially American society, in the 20th century virtually eliminated shame in the interest of enhancing personel self-esteem and increasing personel freedom.
Single moms were featured in the media with more than a small heroism. single motherhood became a fully suitable lifestyle. single mothers became a large and certain demographic class and a political constituency.
The media had taken women full circle from the proud Rosie the Riveter working long hours in a wartime factory, to a full-time housewife raising Baby boomers and standing at the door with a drink when her breadwinner husband came home from work, to her own part-time work surface the house, to full-time work, to expert careers. Sexist jokes about dumb blondes were inappropriate in Rosie's day, favorite in the media in the "housewife era" and became politically incorrect by the time women outnumbered men in expert schools.
The media played an even larger role in changing the status of men in American society. They were appropriately glorified for winning World War Ii -- a war in which 1,600,000 served and over 400.000 died. Guardians of national safety during the War, they became guarantors of economic safety for their personel families after the War. (The Gi Bill helped many get a home in the suburbs and a college education.) With their breadwinner status in a paternalistic society, most had absolute power in the family. That role was re-enforced by male heroes in the movies and Tv programs like "Father Knows Best."
However, over time consistently gallant roles for men, didn't help at the box-office or in the Tv ratings. And new roles for women meant corresponding new roles for men. As women earned larger incomes, they gained power in the family. First, the role of the bread-winning father was diluted by the earnings of the mother. Next, film and Tv sit-coms degraded husbands to secondary roles in the family while portraying wives as appealing women earning expert salaries, manufacture dinner after work, taking the kids to soccer and paying the bills, while dear old dad came from work, grabbed a beer and spent the evening (and weekends) watching football. Next, the media portrayed fathers as buffoons-the new dumb blondes. Men became fodder for media productions and even more oftentimes Tv ads. Finally, after being fully discredited, the male family role was discarded. The male counterpart to the model single mom was a dead-beat father who had abandoned his wife and his children-without regret.
Social acceptance of single mothers reduced collective pressure to marry or remarry. Great community welfare programs like food stamps and other subsidies, reduced economic pressures to marry or remarry. The potential of life for single mothers improved.
Little conception was given-and there was no national debate-regarding the unintended consequence to children, especially boys, of growing up without a father in the home. Probably, even worse, many single mothers had live-in boyfriends who had small commitment to the mom and even less to the children. Without a role model of a stable, caring father, small girls didn't expect to marry such a man and might not want to marry at all. small boys found other male role models, often leaders of the pack-a neighborhood gang. The gang, rather than uncles, took the boys through their rites of tube into manhood.
Instead of learning how to survive in the wild, break a horse, climb a mountain or hunt a deer, the young men learned how to carry and how to use guns, how to sell drugs and how to outwit the cops. The spiral also became self re-enforcing for girls: fewer girls had a certain palpate with a father and thus fewer girls were finding send to creating a two-parent home through marriage and thus fewer girls decided to marry and even fewer of their daughters had a certain attitude toward a long-term relationship with a man.
In 1960, 91% of children lived with two parents. By 2010 that whole dropped to 59%. That means that 41% of children under the age of 18 are living the new model of single parenting. Forty-one percent and climbing!
However, the entertainment enterprise had to go on-there are all the time collective norms and mores to challenge and new ones to champion. It is the surest way for the media to attract viewers and thus advertisers. The most recent model parent doesn't need a village to help her raise a child. She doesn't need a breadwinner husband. She doesn't need a second wage earner in her household. She doesn't need a beer drinking buffoon on the couch-husband or boyfriend. She doesn't even need one man for one night. She is certain that she can manage a expert occupation and also independently meet all the needs of her children by herself. She only needs a few minutes time from a healing expert to get her an artificial insemination "straw" for a passionless conception.
In just a combine generations, in a series of dramatic role changes promoted by the media, the "wisdom of the ages" with regard to parenting roles has been more than forgotten. The adage that "it takes a village to raise a child" has been turned on its head: "Who needs a village when one woman and passionless conception can raise a child."
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